抱最好的希望

Hope for the best...

Tonight, I'm flying off to Brazil for the second time in my life... The previous time was 2 years ago and it was for the same exhibition...

This year, I will be bringing a different exhibit from previously... What was the most amazing thing about this year was that I wasn't prepared at all... I was really setting myself up for failure; just 2 days ago, I thought I was doomed... It didn't help that I was running my first tender concurrently...

I did not start preparing the demo until this week and only when the brochures had arrived that I realised I missed out one brochure... I really wanted to break down and cry at that point of time...

I wanted to blame someone for the brochures but I knew it was my fault... Sitting there, feeling desperate, I blanked out for 5 minutes... During the time I blanked out, I actually told Shermaine how to solve the brochure problem... I felt proud of myself and wanted to relish in that feeling but I didn't have time...

Steven was the engineer who helped me prepare the demo... He only started work this Monday and it is really amazing what he had done within 5 working days... On the third day, when we showed the VP the work-in-progress, he had lots of comments and many things that required changing... While I hated him for making those comments, I knew that was the minimum standard to actually be able to do a proper demo and we didn't have much of a choice...

Steven is very smart and detailed... too detailed in fact... I had to stop him from perfecting everything and prioritise his tasks so that we can meet the minimum standard first... At one point, he asked my opinion for something which I have no idea what he was talking about... Well, it is a "good-to-have" but with the timeline we are running, I don't even have time to put that as my last priority...

While my motto in life is to hope for the best and expect the worst, I feel like I was only hoping for the best all these while... Now that I'm at home typing this, I feel really, really thankful to Steven and Shermaine for the help they have given me to pull through this... You guys are the "best" that has happened to me...

初次體驗

My first taste of racing...

MegaLAP ClubSPRINT 2013 Round 1 happened on 2^nd Feb... This was the first race that I participated... Round 1 was held at Sepang International Circuit, 318km away from home...

We met at 5:30am and started our journey North... Being early in the morning, there wasn't much cars... The best thing was the police probably haven't woke up as well... We reached our destination at around 9:30am stopping in between for fuel, both for the cars and our stomachs...

It was so early and we were wondering if we came at the wrong day? There were lots of bikes around; some preparing for MotoGP while others preparing for their track day... No sign of anyone who was there for the MegaLAP at all!?! Luckily the room designated for our use is not locked and I was able to switch on the air conditioning... We rested and napped till 12pm...


Getting ready for the practice...

There was a briefing and we unloaded all our stuff to got ready for the practice session... The practice was pretty short, only half an hour... I managed to get 4 laps in and was quite surprised that I had the fastest lap times!!!


Gotta practice for these type of events right?


Being faster than the 2.0L cars was satisfying...

Many gathered around my car looking here and there trying to figure out what amazing stuff I have inside to get the fastest timing... A few were even surprised that my car was a 1.6L as I was competing under the 2.0L category... At this point in time, the guys back in Singapore already knew about this because some bystander posted on JFC's Facebook...


Waiting in the pits for the start...

After going out for 3 hot laps, I went in to the pits to cool my car... At this point in time, my brother told me that my timing was 3:07 but I was only 2^nd... Feeling the renewed energy that I have a chance for the champion, I was back on the track and went all out...


Dogfight...

I almost got into an accident when a blue Type R tried to overtake me at turn 5 from the outside... He cut in sharply like he was aiming for my car... I stepped on the brakes to avoid a collision and was super pissed about that... Seeing that there is still time, I pushed on for the next lap... Little did I know that I could not complete that lap properly as well... At the second last straight, I up shifted into 4^th and there wasn't any feedback!?! Letting go of the clutch feels like I'm in neutral even though the lever is clearly in the 4^th gear position!!! I knew my 4^th gear has been destroyed already and rolled back into the pits...


Taking 2^nd with a timing of 3:04.592...

Although I got second place, there is no way I could be happy with a busted gearbox... Luckily, only the 4^th gear was missing and I could get back to Singapore with the use of the rest of the other gears...

I tested the car again the next day and realised that all my gears were destroyed... The lever is stuck in the 2^nd position right now and couldn't be pulled out... I would think I was very lucky to be able to reach home safely before the gearbox finally gave up... I may not take care of my car superbly well, but there is no doubt of my love for it...

獨處

Home Alone...


I am alone in this world...
There is so much around me; there is nothing around me...
I can see so far ahead, but I walk endlessly towards a destination I can't see...
I can't stop walking, for I know I'll be consumed by my surroundings...

看清

We can chart our future clearly and wisely only when we know the path which has led to the present...

Today, I finally changed the wiper blades of my dad's car... Renault Mégane's wipers are really difficult to change!!! My hand now hurts because of all the pulling and pushing... Guess that's the reason why I've procrastinated so much? Haha... Excuses...

There is a sense of satisfaction for doing something correctly but that is not enough to lift my spirits... I know but I didn't realise that I'm selfish, insensitive, irresponsible and give up easily at the first sign of difficulty... I didn't really give my best in the things that I do... I don't really deserve for anybody to love me, because I couldn't really care less if you love me or not...

I know I've hurt the person that I've love, the only girl that I had ever loved, the person whom taught me what is love... However, I still do not know how to love... This has hurt her and made it difficult for her...

I do know that I love myself more than anyone else, I only wish to concentrate on myself... Maybe I still do not see the need to be involved in a relationship? It's a good to have rather than must have... Previously I thought that it is a must have because I want to get married early, but that is very irresponsible because I'll never be able to give my partner what she deserves...

The danger of blogs are that they will pull the author into a downward spiral of self-pity... I better stop here...

感觸

Looking back in life...

I realised that there is something fundamentally wrong with the way I live - the way I think...

I guessed something happened to me when I was young that made me close my heart... I've stopped all my emotions and rule using my head... All these years, I've always thought that I was an emotionless person... I can never empathise with others... If you think I can, that's because I can understand how a human's thought process works... I can guess the reasons and reactions on any given circumstances, but that does not mean I can understand the emotions of those reactions... Everything I had done in the past are based on logical deductions but never emotional...

My mind moves like a program, Step 1: if, else... Step 2:... Step 3:... I always go for the most logical, most beneficial method requiring the least effort... I've always thought that I'm a machine, until I discovered that I can't rule over my emotions this one time... Something that I had practiced all my life to prevent myself from getting hurt again failed, and it failed miserably...

I keep telling myself that I have to let go... The most logical and beneficial way is to let go... I've given myself hundreds of excuses to convince myself that maybe, just maybe, there is still this one little chance that I am wrong... Maybe things aren't the way I see it...

There are lots of doubts in this situation, lots of things that I can't explain with logic... These start to form knots in my heart... I've tried untying the knots forcefully or even burying them deep under some place I'll never find... I thought I succeeded, until just the mentioning of her name pulls everything back into plain view again...

These knots... These knots that have to be removed before I can move on... Else 10 years or 20 years down the road, they will surface again...




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