The ugly scar, the strongest part of the skin...
I remember saying about a promise I made to myself a few years back: never lie to get myself out of trouble... Until yesterday, I managed to keep this promise, a mistake I made out of fear... I denied all knowledge of something that happened even though I was the one that caused it... I felt very bad after that, I wanted to tell the truth but was afraid it would make matters worse...
Fortunately or unfortunately, someone spilled the beans today... I had no choice but confessed... It was then that I remember why I made that promise to myself several years ago... It was a good thing the punishment was light, but most importantly I no longer have anything to hide...
A few days back, someone just praised me for my honesty, someone very important in my life...
....
Starting all over again, this time no excuse...
Tuesday 26 July 2005
Friday 22 July 2005
好友
Best friends...
Friends, how long can they last? I hope that I will never have to find out the hard way... Is there such thing as best friends? If you say someone is your best friend, does he say you are his best friend too? I believe in every relationship, it isn't necessary for everyone to give the equal amount... Someone will bound to give more than the other, as long as they believe it is worth it, there will be a balance...
They say dogs are men's best friend, I'll never know until I have one, which I wouldn't in my foreseeable future... Still, I feel happy for animals, who have someone who care for them and love them alot... This a story I read one someone's blog, I hope I'm not infringing on any copyrights...
Title: How Could You
When I was a puppy I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" - but then you'd relent and roll me over for a bellyrub.
My housetraining took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed, listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs," you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.
Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.
She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" - still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love."
As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch - because your touch was now so infrequent - and I would have defended them with my life if need be.
I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams. Together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.
Now you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family.
I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog or cat, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a goodbye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too.
After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?"
They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you - that you had changed your mind - that this was all a bad dream...or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited.
I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table, rubbed my ears and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood.
She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?"
Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself - a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. With my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not meant for her. It was you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of. I will think of you and wait for you forever.
May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.
-The End-
Friends, how long can they last? I hope that I will never have to find out the hard way... Is there such thing as best friends? If you say someone is your best friend, does he say you are his best friend too? I believe in every relationship, it isn't necessary for everyone to give the equal amount... Someone will bound to give more than the other, as long as they believe it is worth it, there will be a balance...
They say dogs are men's best friend, I'll never know until I have one, which I wouldn't in my foreseeable future... Still, I feel happy for animals, who have someone who care for them and love them alot... This a story I read one someone's blog, I hope I'm not infringing on any copyrights...
Title: How Could You
When I was a puppy I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" - but then you'd relent and roll me over for a bellyrub.
My housetraining took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed, listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs," you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.
Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.
She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" - still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love."
As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch - because your touch was now so infrequent - and I would have defended them with my life if need be.
I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams. Together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.
Now you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family.
I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog or cat, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a goodbye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too.
After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?"
They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you - that you had changed your mind - that this was all a bad dream...or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited.
I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table, rubbed my ears and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood.
She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?"
Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself - a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. With my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not meant for her. It was you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of. I will think of you and wait for you forever.
May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.
-The End-
Saturday 16 July 2005
被騙
Being cheated = gain or lost?
Soon after my previous post, I was called back to work... The boss said I have to work for tomorrow as well... Of course I will be paid, but I will have less time for myself...
Then I was thinking of this: If someone lied to you, do you gain something or lose something? What have you gained and what have you lost? Every situation is different, but what about those simple lies? For example: "Hey the bus is here." or "Quick! Your house is on fire!" What do you gain or lose from these?
Soon after my previous post, I was called back to work... The boss said I have to work for tomorrow as well... Of course I will be paid, but I will have less time for myself...
Then I was thinking of this: If someone lied to you, do you gain something or lose something? What have you gained and what have you lost? Every situation is different, but what about those simple lies? For example: "Hey the bus is here." or "Quick! Your house is on fire!" What do you gain or lose from these?
新事件
Updates...
It's been 10 days since the last update, nothing much happened... The pay was as I had speculated, $100... Such easy money is difficult to come by... Did I ever mention that I want to quit the band? It's because of the band director, with a person such as him on the helm, this band would have no future... No point wasting my time in something I don't even learn much... I'll probably quit after I had settled all the money matters, or after the September shows...
No work for today and tomorrow, probably meeting Ben again... Another simple day in my simple life...
It's been 10 days since the last update, nothing much happened... The pay was as I had speculated, $100... Such easy money is difficult to come by... Did I ever mention that I want to quit the band? It's because of the band director, with a person such as him on the helm, this band would have no future... No point wasting my time in something I don't even learn much... I'll probably quit after I had settled all the money matters, or after the September shows...
No work for today and tomorrow, probably meeting Ben again... Another simple day in my simple life...
Wednesday 6 July 2005
演出完
End of performance...
The performance was real short, less than 10 minutes... My band leader said our tempo was off, but I didn't notice... I don't think anyone else noticed as well, because the mistakes made by the other group was a lot worse... Other than us, there was a lion dance troupe, they made a lot of obvious mistakes... How do I know they're making mistakes? The drums stopped at least 3 times, I'm sure anyone who doesn't know music knows they are doing it wrongly...
Me in my costume, didn't even bother to comb my hair...
Met up with Ben the other day, after my previous post... Had lunch then walked around Orchard looking for CDs and Books... Nothing much happened, but he kept saying he doesn't want to go back and hopes that time would stop at that moment... I feel sad for him, but I wish him the best... Time can't stop for you, and you must go back for your studies... Finish what you have started...
The performance was real short, less than 10 minutes... My band leader said our tempo was off, but I didn't notice... I don't think anyone else noticed as well, because the mistakes made by the other group was a lot worse... Other than us, there was a lion dance troupe, they made a lot of obvious mistakes... How do I know they're making mistakes? The drums stopped at least 3 times, I'm sure anyone who doesn't know music knows they are doing it wrongly...
Me in my costume, didn't even bother to comb my hair...
Met up with Ben the other day, after my previous post... Had lunch then walked around Orchard looking for CDs and Books... Nothing much happened, but he kept saying he doesn't want to go back and hopes that time would stop at that moment... I feel sad for him, but I wish him the best... Time can't stop for you, and you must go back for your studies... Finish what you have started...
Sunday 3 July 2005
休假
A time to rest...
Finally one full day of rest... It may be Sunday, but I work on Sundays sometimes... Yesterday's work wasn't too tough, thanks to the National Day Parade Rehearsal... There were traffic jams everywhere, security was very tight due to that Olympics thingy at Swissotel, plus the closing of the roads due to the parade... We almost couldn't get out of Suntec because of that, was there to pick up instruments for the MOE Excel Fest... After several hours, the lorry managed to get into Suntec, then a few more passed before we could leave... The boss didn't want to pay me overtime, so I left after that...
The tanks that hogged the road...
I have another show this coming Tuesday, it's a short welcoming of the VIP, around 10 mins... I heard the pay is good, maybe I'll get $100 this time? $100 for 10 mins of show, good money yar?
Ben is back, I haven't met him yet... Seems like he is very busy, takes an average of 5 hours for him to reply to my sms or calls... Hope I can meet him later today... 2 days ago was somebody's birthday, didn't even bother to wish him happy birthday... Not like I'm the only one to do that right?
Finally one full day of rest... It may be Sunday, but I work on Sundays sometimes... Yesterday's work wasn't too tough, thanks to the National Day Parade Rehearsal... There were traffic jams everywhere, security was very tight due to that Olympics thingy at Swissotel, plus the closing of the roads due to the parade... We almost couldn't get out of Suntec because of that, was there to pick up instruments for the MOE Excel Fest... After several hours, the lorry managed to get into Suntec, then a few more passed before we could leave... The boss didn't want to pay me overtime, so I left after that...
The tanks that hogged the road...
I have another show this coming Tuesday, it's a short welcoming of the VIP, around 10 mins... I heard the pay is good, maybe I'll get $100 this time? $100 for 10 mins of show, good money yar?
Ben is back, I haven't met him yet... Seems like he is very busy, takes an average of 5 hours for him to reply to my sms or calls... Hope I can meet him later today... 2 days ago was somebody's birthday, didn't even bother to wish him happy birthday... Not like I'm the only one to do that right?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
