These two days made me realised some important things about myself, coincidentally, I think it all roots down to the same incident... I've never stopped to think about what others think about me; ever since several years ago, I only live true to myself...
Few years back, I promised myself not to lie unless necessary; lying to get myself out of trouble is not what I consider necessary... Ever since then, I started to not think about how others view me; if I want to say the truth, I can't always be the good guy...
Then things start to evolve... In order not to put myself in a position where I have to choose between lying or the unpleasant truth, I started to become aware of what I say... I hold back when speaking so that conversations will not lead towards a direction I do not want it to... Maybe it's the controlling of the conversation, or the holding back of words that give others the impression that I have some ulterior motives...
Thinking back on the way I speak, I feel its irritating as well... Want to speak, don't want to speak; sentences that never completes, I wonder why I still have any friend at all...
As to ulterior motives, I guess everyone has them... My motives to get close to anyone? Its either "something that they can do for me" or "something that I can do for them"... Once this initial motive is complete, I'll usually slack off; whatever happens next is just fate and coincidence... Then again, maybe not all are like that... I guess there IS one ultimate motive if I still bother to talk to you at all; if one day I'm lonely, at least there is someone I can talk to...
Well, that sums up my reply for Cherlynn... As to what is my initial motive for getting close to you, you'll have to ask me personally...
Don't know where to keep this, so I'll just post it here... My current favourite song from my current favourite artiste...
"Good-Bye Days" by YUI
だからいま 会いにゆく そう決めたんだ
dakara ima ai ni yuku sou kimetanda
I want you to listen to this song from my pocket
ポケットの この曲を 君に聴かせたい
poketto no kono kyoku wo kimi ni kikasetai
that's why I decided to go and see you
そっとヴォリュームを上げて 確かめてみたよ
sotto voryuumu wo agete tashikamete mita yo
I tried to softly turn up the volume to make sure that it was just right
oh Good-bye days いま 変わる気がする 昨日までに so long
OH GOOD BYE DAYS ima kawaru ki ga suru kinou made ni SO LONG
oh goodbye days, for until yesterday it had been unchanging for so long
かっこよくない優しさがそばにあるから
kakko yokunai yasashisa ga soba ni aru kara
but now, I have a feeling that things will change; for your kindness is nearby
～with you
~WITH YOU
I'm with you
片方の イヤフォンを 君に渡す
katahou no earphone wo kimi ni watasu
passing the other half of the earphones to you
ゆっくりと 流れ込む この瞬間
yukkuri to nagare komu kono shunkan
together, it slowly pours forth; this moment.
うまく愛せていますか? たまに迷うけど
umaku aisete imasu ka? tama ni mayou kedo
do I show you enough love? because I sometimes get confused
oh Good-bye days いま 変わり始めた 胸の奥 alright
OH GOOD BYE DAYS ima kawari hajimeta mune no oku ALL RIGHT
oh goodbye days, now, it's begun to change deep in my heart ~ ALL RIGHT
かっこよくない優しさがそばにあるから
kakko yokunai yasashisa ga soba ni aru kara
because your gentleness is nearby
～with you
~WITH YOU
I'm with you
できれば 悲しい 想いなんてしたくない
dekireba kanashii omoi nante shitakunai
if it could be done, I don't want to have to feel sadness
でもやってくるでしょ?
demo yatte kuru deshou?
yet, it always seems to come somehow, doesn't it?
そのとき 笑顔で Yeah hello!! my friend なんてさ
sono toki egao de YEAH HELLO! MY FRIEND nantesa
when that time comes, with a smile if I could say something like
言えたならいいのに…
ieta nara ii noni...
"Yeah hello! my friend", it would be ok...
同じ唄を 口ずさむ時 そばにいて I wish
onaji uta wo kuchi zusamu toki soba ni ite I WISH
when I hum that same song, I wish you were nearby
かっこよくない優しさに会えてよかったよ
kakko yokunai yasashisa ni aete yokatta yo
I'm glad that I met you and felt your kindness
…Good-bye days
…Good-bye days
…Good-bye days
Taken from Vllasko.com
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