後悔

Of all things acquired through life, the one possession we hope to never attain is regret...


On a bus journey a few days back, I was reflecting upon my life, "What was my biggest regret?" I used to think that my biggest regret was to choose "Chinese at 'A' levels" over "Accounting" during my JC days... My life was messed up, I couldn't catch up with the lessons... Maybe I could, but was just too lazy to do so... I had no interest in that subject and I often wonder why the hell did I choose it in the first place... The answer was simple, it was an uninformed decision... I did not know at that point of time which was better or which was worse, the decision was made solely on instinct... I've always had a good intuition, something I trust in all situations (if I get the hint), but that was one time it messed up bad... or so I thought...

Now that I think back, maybe it wasn't really such a bad thing after all... I may have flunk my 'A' levels, but that was the only way for me to become the person I am now... Because of that incident, I've become very careful at making any decisions... I always make sure I know what I'm doing before I do it, decisions usually lead to happy endings... People come to me for advice, and I help them as though it was my own problem, things I don't know I wouldn't comment... Though that had caused me to hate people who give irresponsible remarks... Just because it doesn't concern them, they say things they THINK is right, but do not make an effort to validate them... I hate them because they would not have to shoulder the consequences of their words...

While what I learnt was enough to justify the bad decision-making, what about the one year wasted to repeat my 'A' levels? Nothing happened during my days in Jurong Institute, though I learnt a bit of guitar and did get better grades for my 'A' levels, but it wasn't really much improvement over the previous one... What changed my life was what happened next, my National Service was delayed for a year, and I'm sure I wouldn't be part of that great unit if it was otherwise... I held a key position from the second week I entered the unit, responsibilities and expectations were thrown on me while I was still struggling to adapt... I learnt the hard way to be responsible and committed to everything I do; along the way, the discovery of the merits of honesty, and that was where my pact of honesty started... It was that place that changed the small boy (as how my CSM said we were) I was, to a responsible and thinking adult...

During these two years of my life there, I realized what I do not want to be... Before I entered Army, I was thinking of studying Management, and hold a managerial role in future... But that is not what an ambition should be, and it most certainly wasn't my ambtion to begin with, it was just the young me trying to emulate my father, seeing how successful he was... My direction in life was reset, I chose my future according to what I like rather than what earns... I know how difficult it is to study something I do not like, and how easy it was to score for something interesting (I got 'B' for Economics and 'F' for Chinese)... Having found my direction in life, I felt very relived, the world seemed brighter when you can see where you are going (at least in my memories the days after that were seemingly brighter)...

One person I'm very grateful to in that two years is Jonathan, my Team 2IC... I would like to tell his story now, but this entry is getting too long... What I want to say is he is one of those who had no direction in life, his life is determined by the faculty he chose after he got his results... He told me he did not want to study science, as that would narrow his prospects to research-based jobs only... I advised him to change it if he doesn't like it while there is still time, what he is going to study will greatly determine his life... He replied with a blank face, "I don't know what to change to..." And then there are those who blindly pursuits the Medicine degree just because it is a prestigeous and high-paying job... Maybe it is their passion, they want to save lives (yeah right), I would never know, but I'm sure most of them just want that prestige... This is where I'm glad I made that wrong decision, if I had chosen accounting then, I might be able to get into a local university, and waste several years of my life doing something I don't like...

Maybe my intuition wasn't wrong at all, it had planned to benefit me in the long term... Now, what is my biggest regret in life? I can happily say NONE!!